{sunday photo: the decision}

I have been meaning to document here on the blog the big news that our family received about 2 weeks ago. Steve accepted a job offer to work for the Iowa Clinic at a Family Practice office here in Waukee. To be honest, I could quite literally fill pages and pages worth of my thoughts and feelings surrounding these past 3-6 months--and the 'decision process' that we have gone through. The most important thing that I have slowly come to realize-- is that sometimes there is a  'bigger plan' that we are not always privy to in this life. I look at this picture below of my two oldest children, and my heart is truly filled with comfort and a much needed peace that Iowa is where our family is supposed to be at this time in our lives. But wow did it take a long and winding,  and at times very bumpy road to get there. I feel the need to write down a few of my thoughts here, for the sole purpose of never ever wanting to forget the experiences we've had while enduring one of the biggest trials of my/our faith so far. 

It is no secret or surprise of the great love and affinity that we have for our State of origin :) Utah is one of a kind that is for sure. Such happy memories and strong emotions will forever be attached to the Beehive State. There is nothing in the world that can ever replace your family. And for Steve and I, both of our families mean a great deal to us. For better or worse--family is family and we are so fortunate and blessed to have the ones that we do. My kids have such a special and close relationship with each and everyone of them back home. They talk of them often, they ask when we get to have visitors come stay with us, they excitedly wait for the time when we go there to visit each summer. So, it shouldn't be too surprising that Utah was at the top of our list when it came to job scouting. 

But time after time and interview after interview.....things in Utah never seemed to line up. It was the wrong timing, they needed someone sooner than when Steve finished his residency, they were going with someone who had more years of experience, etc..... Each and every time we went through the same excitement and anticipation, shortly followed up with a deep devastation and disappointment. We kept asking ourselves...is the answer staring us straight in the face?? Are we overlooking some amazing opportunities and job offers here in Iowa?? As each passing day came and went we were left feeling confused and at a loss of what to do. I compare my own experience during that time, as being in a 'stupor of thought.' Nothing felt right.... Iowa or Utah for that matter. We kept praying, fasting, seeking out guidance, pleading desperately for the right answer. It never came. The phrase was said to me quite often...."Just have faith Andrea, things will work out how they are supposed to." And not only did those words of counsel not bring me any comfort whatsoever--- they left me feeling about a thousand times worse. Why was my faith not sufficient enough that my prayers were not being answered? Why didn't I feel the peace that things would work out?

Why after all of these years? (over 10 to be exact) Why after all of the sacrifices, hardships, struggles and challenges through: undergraduate, jobs, children, financial hardships, moving, medical school and now residency-- were we experiencing one of the most miserable and frustrating times of our life??? Wasn't this supposed to be the crowning moment of achievement?? All of those years of hard work surely should equate to a job that we both felt good about and where Steve would more importantly be happy and find success. He has worked so hard his entire life, and has literally put his blood, sweat and tears into his chosen profession. It was all of this, along with some other challenges we were facing that humbled us to the core and brought us to our knees in humility. It was then......that the call came. It was then that the long awaited peace that we both so desperately craved, that our answer came. It was then that Steve graciously and humbly accepted the offer to work for Iowa Clinic at a practice that will allow him to learn and grow and become the kind of Physician that he always dreamed he could be. I wouldn't say it if I didn't 100% sincerely believe it--but I feel peace. My prayers were indeed answered, and honestly I do not know of a higher purpose or a bigger plan that brought our family to Iowa 7 years ago. But we are here to stay for now, and although I do not know what the future holds for us, or what other challenges or difficulties we will encounter along the way, for now in this moment we are truly blessed.

{Steve post call this morning after working a 24 hr shift}